Funny Verses | Poems | Quotes

I was tempted
to buy you one of
those “new age”
birthday cards…
…but for you,
an “old age” card
seemed more
appropriate.

Happy Birthday

*

Open this card to learn
an aerobic exercise
designed especially for
someone your age…
Very good. Now rest
five minutes before
trying it again.

Happy Birthday

*

When a tree gets a year older
it makes a growth ring by adding
another layer of tissue
around its girth…
Boy, does that sound familiar.

Happy Birthday

*

Have you always looked this young?
Or is it just an annoying habit
you’ve picked up in your old age?

Happy Birthday

*

It’s only natural
to become quieter as we grow older…
It’s not easy to talk
and hold in your stomach
at the same time!

*

As we grow older we often find
that it is often better
to light one small candle…
…than to be seen in fluorescent lighting.

Happy Birthday

*

Remember when we had
that old fire-in-the belly?
We still have it.
Only now it’s called heartburn.

Happy Birthday

*

The Stampers Verse

It all began with just one stamp
And just one stamp pad too
Of course, things couldn’t stay that way
And shortly, I had two.
This was quickly followed
By more stamps (three and four)
The craving had now started
I wanted more and more.
A teeny weeny garden set
With a lovely little rose
The cutest little teddy bear
I must have one of those.
A couple of those Inkums sets
A rollagraph or two
And then another coloured ink
For stamping I must do.
I really love those bear stamps
And country ones are nice
I see that Penny Black
Has some lovely little mice.
I think that I’m addicted now
It started just last year
I now can’t pass a catalogue
Without just one more bear.
And then I joined some stamping lists
Upon the internet
From here I learned of other things
That I must really get.
I want to try some brayering
And pearl-ex powders too
Stamping on polymer clay
There’s lots of things to do.
My husband is somewhat bemused
As are my children (three)
As I produce yet more stamped things
Keen for them to see.
And now I’m signed up for some swaps
One’s a birthday card
The other is a teddy theme
Now that can’t be too hard
I’d better go and start them now
I’ve six of each to do
I want to get them in the post
And then start something new……

*

If crafting is a petty crime
I will soon be doing time
If crafting is against the law
I’ll do time forever more

I sit and craft from morn ’til night,
my family do despair,
but armed with heat gun, ink pads too,
I really just don’t care

The more I see, the more I want,
I cannot see an end,
to sticky pads and funky foam,
I have to spend, spend, spend

I made a candle, just last week,
it turned out quite a mess,
I think I’ll stick to making cards,
coz that’s what I do best

*

Crafts are here, crafts are there.
My crafts supplies are everywhere.
I really should clean this mess,
But I like it, I confess.

Floor is littered, chairs are piled,
Kitchens looking pretty wild,
On the table, counter too,
Seems that any place will do.

Hall is stacked with cartons high,
Filled with things folks like to buy.
Garage is full, but so far…..
There’s still room to park the car.

I never have an idle day,
New ideas come my way.
Don’t know yet what I’ll create,
But my imagination’s great.

My family smiles, they don’t complain,
Although at times I am a pain.
But when all is said and done,

I really am a crafty one.